They were about four feet high in size, and
they kept looking at their mustaches in hand-glasses and combing their
hair with pocket-combs. They were trying one of their lieutenants for
having sold some secret military plans to a Tutonian attache. Now the
joke of it is that military attaches are appointed just for the purpose
of buying secrets, and everybody knows it. They're licensed to do it.
And then when they do just what they're licensed for, everybody makes a
fuss. Well, the secrets were sold; there wasn't the slightest reason
for thinking this lieutenant had sold them, but they had to punish
somebody. They say they drew his name from a box. They had three
officers to testify against him, and they were the stupidest liars I
ever saw. They just blundered from beginning to end, and the president
of the court helped them out and told them what to say, and corrected
them. The third man said nothing at all except, 'Yes, my general; yes,
my general.' Then they called the witnesses for the accused, and two
officers stepped forward, when a couple of orderlies grabbed each of
them, stuffed a gag into their mouths, and carried them out, while the
court looked the other way, and the crowd shouted, 'Long live the
army!' The court adjourned on account of the 'contumacy of the
witnesses for the defense.' I went in again the next morning, and they
announced that both the witnesses had committed suicide.
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