I have even been told that its effect is to be seen in the
attempts of worthy citizens, including a distinguished judge, to have
the whipping-post reestablished in our midst. I can only say for myself
that such traitors and traducers should be the first victims of the
whipping-post. (Cheers.) So far from crime having increased since the
departure of these young heroes, I can testify that there has been a
marked decrease in our community. Since they left, not a single barn
has been burned, not a chicken stolen. My friend, Mrs. Crane, informs
me that she keeps more chickens than ever before, and that she has not
missed one in over a year. I am also told that during the absence of
these young men the amount of liquor drunk in our town has sensibly
diminished. The war then has been a blessing to us and to our nation."
During these remarks Josh Thatcher, who was sitting in the front row,
gave sundry digs in the ribs to his cousin Tom, and they both laughed
aloud.
"We welcome our heroes back," continued the orator. "We open our arms
to them. All that we have is theirs. We applaud their manly courage and
Christian self-sacrifice. We shall never, never forget their services,
and we shall recite their noble deeds to our children and to our
children's children."
The meeting broke up with three cheers and a tiger for each of the four
heroes. For an hour later the crowds stood in the street talking over
the great events of the day, each of the young veterans forming the
center of an admiring group, Tom Thatcher being surrounded by a bevy of
pretty girls who seemed to find nothing objectionable in his pimpled
face and hoarse voice.
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