In fact it is very easy to be
unhappy, especially when we aspire to the privileged lots of
existence.
I withdrew immediately on receiving the above intimation to the
house of a most excellent and intelligent lady*, to whom I ought to
acknowledge I was recommended by a person who held an important
office in the government*; I shall never forget the courage with
which he offered me an asylum himself: but he would have the same
good intentions at present, when he could not act in that manner
without completely endangering his existence. In proportion as
tyranny is allowed to advance, it grows, as we look at it, like a
phantom, but it seizes with the strength of a real being. I arrived
then, at the country seat of a person whom I scarcely knew, in the
midst of a society to which I was an entire stranger, and bearing in
my heart the most cutting chagrin, which I made every effort to
disguise. During the night, when alone with a female who had been
for several years devoted to my service, I sat listening at the
window, in expectation of hearing every moment the steps of a horse
gendarme; during the day I endeavoured to make myself agreeable, in
order to conceal my situation. I wrote a letter from this place to
Joseph Bonaparte, in which I described with perfect truth the extent
of my unhappiness. A retreat at ten leagues distance from Paris, was
the sole object of my ambition, and I felt despairingly, that if I
was once banished, it would be for a great length of time, perhaps
for ever.
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