The courier who brought them was concealed from me, as well as
the news of his death. I set out immediately with the strongest
hope, which I preserved in spite of all the circumstances which
ought to have extinguished it. When the real truth became known to
me at Weimar, I was seized with a mingled sensation of inexpressible
terror and despair. I saw myself without support in the world, and
compelled to rely entirely on myself for sustaining my soul against
misfortune. Many objects of attachment still remained to me, but the
sentiment of affectionate admiration which I felt for my father,
exercised a sway over me with which no other could come in
competition. Grief, which is the truest of prophets, predicted to me
that I should never more be happy at heart, as I had been, whilst
this man of all-powerful sensibility watched over my fate; and not a
single day has elapsed since the month of April 1804, in which I
have not connected all my troubles with his loss. So long as my
father lived, I suffered only from imagination; for in the affairs
of real life, he always found means to be of service to me; after I
lost him, I came in direct communication with destiny. It is
nevertheless still to the hope that he is praying for me in heaven,
that I am indebted for the fortitude I retain. It is not merely the
affection of a daughter, but the most intimate knowledge of his
character which makes me affirm that I have never seen human nature
carried nearer to perfection than it was in his soul; if I was not
convinced of the truth of a future state, I should become mad with
the idea that such a being could have ceased to exist.
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