"
Several independent ladies at Geneva continued to show me marks of
the greatest kindness, of which I shall always retain a deep
recollection. But even to the clerks in the custom houses, regarded
themselves as in a state of diplomacy with me; and from prefects to
sub-prefects, and from the cousins of one and the other, a profound
terror would have seized them all, if I had not spared them, as much
as was in my power, the anxiety of paying or not paying a visit.
Every courier brought reports of other friends of mine being exiled
from Paris, for having kept up connections with me; it became a
matter of strict duty for me to avoid seeing a single Frenchman of
the least note; and very often I was even apprehensive of injuring
persons in the country where I was living, whose courageous
friendship never failed itself towards me. I felt two opposite
sensations, and both, I believe, equally natural; melancholy at
being forsaken, and cruel anxiety for those who showed attachment to
me. It is difficult to conceive a situation in life more painful at
every moment; for the space of nearly two years that I endured it, I
may say truly that I never once saw the day return without a feeling
of desolation at having to support the existence which that day
renewed. But why should not you leave it then? will be said, and was
said incessantly to me from all quarters.
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