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Shaw, George Bernard, 1856-1950

"Heartbreak House"

Can't you think of
something that will murder half Europe at one bang?
CAPTAIN SHOTOVER. No. I am ageing fast. My mind does not dwell on
slaughter as it did when I was a boy. Why doesn't your husband
invent something? He does nothing but tell lies to women.
HECTOR. Well, that is a form of invention, is it not? However,
you are right: I ought to support my wife.
MRS HUSHABYE. Indeed you shall do nothing of the sort: I should
never see you from breakfast to dinner. I want my husband.
HECTOR [bitterly]. I might as well be your lapdog.
MRS HUSHABYE. Do you want to be my breadwinner, like the other
poor husbands?
HECTOR. No, by thunder! What a damned creature a husband is
anyhow!
MRS HUSHABYE [to the captain]. What about that harpoon cannon?
CAPTAIN SHOTOVER. No use. It kills whales, not men.
MRS HUSHABYE. Why not? You fire the harpoon out of a cannon. It
sticks in the enemy's general; you wind him in; and there you
are.
HECTOR. You are your father's daughter, Hesione.
CAPTAIN SHOTOVER. There is something in it. Not to wind in
generals: they are not dangerous. But one could fire a grapnel
and wind in a machine gun or even a tank. I will think it out.
MRS HUSHABYE [squeezing the captain's arm affectionately]. Saved!
You are a darling, daddiest.


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