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Shaw, George Bernard, 1856-1950

"Heartbreak House"

Think of what it is for us to be dragged through
the horrors of a criminal court, and have all our family affairs
in the papers! If you were a native, and Hastings could order you
a good beating and send you away, I shouldn't mind; but here in
England there is no real protection for any respectable person.
THE BURGLAR. I'm too old to be giv a hiding, lady. Send for the
police and have done with it. It's only just and right you
should.
RANDALL [who has relaxed his vigilance on seeing the burglar so
pacifically disposed, and comes forward swinging the poker
between his fingers like a well folded umbrella]. It is neither
just nor right that we should be put to a lot of inconvenience to
gratify your moral enthusiasm, my friend. You had better get out,
while you have the chance.
THE BURGLAR [inexorably]. No. I must work my sin off my
conscience. This has come as a sort of call to me. Let me spend
the rest of my life repenting in a cell. I shall have my reward
above.
MANGAN [exasperated]. The very burglars can't behave naturally in
this house.
HECTOR. My good sir, you must work out your salvation at somebody
else's expense. Nobody here is going to charge you.
THE BURGLAR. Oh, you won't charge me, won't you?
HECTOR. No. I'm sorry to be inhospitable; but will you kindly
leave the house?
THE BURGLAR.


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