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Shaw, George Bernard, 1856-1950

"Heartbreak House"

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen;
and thank you kindly.
He is hurrying out when he is confronted in the doorway by
Captain Shotover.
CAPTAIN SHOTOVER [fixing the burglar with a piercing regard].
What's this? Are there two of you?
THE BURGLAR [falling on his knees before the captain in abject
terror]. Oh, my good Lord, what have I done? Don't tell me it's
your house I've broken into, Captain Shotover.
The captain seizes him by the collar: drags him to his feet: and
leads him to the middle of the group, Hector falling back beside
his wife to make way for them.
CAPTAIN SHOTOVER [turning him towards Ellie]. Is that your
daughter? [He releases him].
THE BURGLAR. Well, how do I know, Captain? You know the sort of
life you and me has led. Any young lady of that age might be my
daughter anywhere in the wide world, as you might say.
CAPTAIN SHOTOVER [to Mazzini]. You are not Billy Dunn. This is
Billy Dunn. Why have you imposed on me?
THE BURGLAR [indignantly to Mazzini]. Have you been giving
yourself out to be me? You, that nigh blew my head off! Shooting
yourself, in a manner of speaking!
MAZZINI. My dear Captain Shotover, ever since I came into this
house I have done hardly anything else but assure you that I am
not Mr William Dunn, but Mazzini Dunn, a very different person.


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