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I was shocked at her indelicate complaisance, and rejected the
proposal as repugnant to my present engagement, which I held as
sacred as any nuptial tie, and much more binding than a forced or
unnatural marriage.
"Upon our return to England, we lived in great harmony and peace,
and nothing was wanting to my happiness, but the one thing to me
the most needful; I mean the enchanting tenderness and delightful
enthusiasm of love. Lord B--'s heart, I believe, felt the
soft impressions; and, for my own part, I loved him with the most
faithful affection. It is not enough to say I wished him well; I
had the most delicate, the most genuine esteem for his virtue; I
had an intimate regard and anxiety for his interest; and felt for
him as if he had been my own son. But still there was a vacancy in
my heart; there was not that fervour, that transport, that ecstasy
of passion which I had formerly known; my bosom was not filled with
the little deity; I could not help recalling to my remembrance the
fond, the ravishing moments I had passed with S--.


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