Had I understood
the conditions of life, those pleasures were happily exchanged
for my present situation, because, if I was now deprived of those
rapturous enjoyments, I was also exempted from the cares and anxiety
that attended them; but I was generally extravagant in my notions
of happiness, and therefore construed my present tranquility into
an insipid languor and stagnation of life.
"While I remained in this inactivity of sentiment, Lord --, having
received a very considerable addition to his fortune, sent a message
to me, promising, that if I would leave Lord B--, he would make
me a present of a house and furniture, where I should live at my
case, without being exposed to his visits, except when I should be
disposed to receive them. This proposal he made in consequence of
what I had always declared, namely, that if he had not reduced me
to the necessity of putting myself under the protection of some
person or other, by depriving me of any other means of subsistence,
I should never have given the world the least cause to scandalize
my reputation; and that I would withdraw myself from my present
dependence, as soon as he should enable me to live by myself.
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