He honoured me with constant professions
of love; but his conduct is so opposite to my sentiments of that
passion, as to have been the prime source of all my misfortunes
and affliction; and I have often wished myself the object of his
hate, in hopes of profiting by a change in his behaviour.
"Indeed, he has not been able to make me more unhappy than I
believe he is in his own mind; for he is literally a self-tormentor,
who never enjoyed one gleam of satisfaction except at the expense
of another's quiet; and yet with this, I had almost called it
diabolical quality, he expects that I should cherish him with all
the tenderness of affection. After he has been at pains to incur my
aversion, he punishes my disgust, by contriving schemes to mortify
and perplex me, which have often succeeded so effectually, as to
endanger my life and constitution; for I have been fretted and frighted
into sundry fits of illness, and then I own I have experienced his
care and concern.
"Over and above the oddities I have mentioned, he is so unsteady
in his economy, that he is always new-modelling his affairs, and
exhausting his fortune, by laying out ten pounds, in order to save
a shilling.
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