These being the terms upon which we lived, it is
not to be supposed that I bore the loss of him without repining.
Indeed, my grief was unspeakable; and, though the edge of it be
now smoothed by the lenient hand of time, I shall never cease to
cherish his memory with the most tender remembrance.
"During the last period of my living with my lord, I had agreed to
the expediency of obtaining an act of parliament, which would enable
him to pay his debts; on which occasion there was a necessity of
cancelling a deed that subsisted between us, relating to a separate
maintenance, to which, on certain provisions, I was entitled; and this
was to be set aside, so far as it interfered with the above-mentioned
scheme, while the rest of it should remain in force. When this affair
was about to be transacted, my lord very generously insisted upon
my concurrence in annulling the whole settlement; and, when I refused
to comply with this demand, because this was the sole resource I
had against his ill-usage, he would not proceed in the execution
of his plan, though, by dropping it, he hurt nobody but himself;
and he accused me of having receded from my word, after I had drawn
him into considerable expense.
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