So situated, it is not to be supposed that he led a life of
tranquility, though he made a shift to struggle with the remonstrances
of misfortune. Yet such a gush of affliction would sometimes rush
upon his thought, as overwhelmed all the ideas of his hope, and sunk
him to the very bottom of despondence. Every equipage that passed
him in the street, every person of rank and fortune that occurred
to his view, recalled the gay images of his former life, with such
mortifying reflection as stabbed him to the very soul. He lived,
therefore, incessantly exposed to all the pangs of envy and disquiet.
When I say envy, I do not mean that sordid passion, in consequence
of which a man repines at his neighbour's success, howsoever
deserved: but that self-tormenting indignation which is inspired
by the prosperity of folly, ignorance, and vice. Without the
intervening gleams of enjoyment, which he felt in the conversation
of a few friends, he could not have supported his existence; or,
at least, he must have suffered some violent discomposure of the
brain.
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