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Ewing, Juliana Horatia Gatty, 1841-1885

"A Great Emergency and Other Tales"

She could "do without" anything, if the
wherewithal to be hospitable was left to her.
When one's brain is no stronger than mine is, one gets very much
confused in disentangling motives and nice points of character. I have
doubted whether Madam Liberality's besetting virtue were a virtue at
all. Was it unselfishness or a love of approbation, benevolence or
fussiness, the gift of sympathy or the lust of power? Or was it
something else? She was a very sickly child, with much pain to bear,
and many pleasures to forego. Was it, as doctors say, "an effort of
nature," to make her live outside herself and be happy in the
happiness of others?
Equal doubt may hang over the conduct of her brothers and sister
towards her. Did they more love her, or find her useful? Was their
gratitude--as gratitude has been defined to be--"a keen sense of
favours to come"? They certainly got used to her services, and to
begging and borrowing the few things that were her "very own," without
fear of refusal. But if they rather took her benevolence for granted,
and thought that she "liked lending her things," and that it was her
way of enjoying possessions, they may have been right; for next to
one's own soul, one's own family is perhaps the best judge of one's
temper and disposition.


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