I dare not say what I think. He would say that I had
fancies. No one else sees anything save harmless eccentricity,--
except perhaps Li Ho. But I am terrified.
"December 7th--I tried once more to get away. He found me quickly.
It isn't easy for a woman with a child to hide--without money. For
myself I can stand it--my own fault! But--my little girl!
"December 15th--I have been ill. Such a terrible experience. My one
thought was the dread of dying. I must live. I cannot leave Desire--
here.
"December 20th--He bought Desire new shoes and a frock today. It is
strange, but he seems to take a certain care of her. Why? I do not
know. I have wondered about his motives until I fancy things. What
motive could he have . . . except that maybe he is not all evil?
Maybe be cares for the child. She is so sweet--No. I must not
deceive myself. Whatever his reason is, I know that it is not that.
"January 9th--A strange thing happened today. I found a torn
envelope bearing the name of Harry's English lawyers. I have seen
the same kind of envelope in Harry's hands more than once. They used
to send him his remittance, I think. What can this man have to do
with English lawyers? I am frightened. But for once I am more angry
than afraid. I must watch. If he has dared to write to Harry's
people--"
The writing of the next entry had lost its clearness. It was almost
illegible.
"January 13th--How could he! How could he sink so low! I have seen
the lawyer's letter.
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