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He felt that if he
went up to her, he would no longer find her to be the same as he
had left her; something must have changed within her after that
conversation, and she would no longer receive him as cordially as
before, would not smile at him the clear smile that used to awaken
in him strange thoughts and hopes. Fearing that all this was lost
and that something else must have taken its place, he restrained
himself and suffered.
His work and his longing for the woman did not hinder him from
thinking of life. He did not philosophize about this enigma, which
was already stirring a feeling of alarm in his heart; he was not
able to argue, but he began to listen attentively to everything
that men said of life, and he tried to remember their words. They
did not make anything clear to him; nay, they increased his
perplexity and prompted him to regard them suspiciously. They were
clever, cunning and sensible--he saw it; in dealings with them it
was always necessary to be on one's guard; he knew already that in
important matters none of them spoke as they thought.


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